im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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