I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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