our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
