i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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