she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
