We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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