Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
