You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
