I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
