im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
