The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
