First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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