If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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