I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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