he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize