She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
