why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
