Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
someone owes me an orgasm
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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