literally had 100 drinks last night.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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