At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
3pm strippers are depressing
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
