Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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