Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
