i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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