he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
