Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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