Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
