he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
