fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
