I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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