**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My friends, they love my intelligence
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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