I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
