in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
farters have to be the big spoon...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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