I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
