She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
