im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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