I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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