onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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