i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
