oh god the rape fog is back!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
