This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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