I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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