also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
