watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
