3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
