So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dignity is for republicans.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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