Me too!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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