where am i from again
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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