Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
