hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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