I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
