She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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