I wish my penis had an off switch
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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