I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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