peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
