Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
