I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
