My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
