So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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