I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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