You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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