I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize