The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
