sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
