im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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