the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
