so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
