you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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