I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm just crazy horny about you
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
