I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Boobs are out for the taking
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
