Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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