Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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