My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
