there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
