M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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